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I'm not trying to write a bleak and blistering screed against American civilization. I'm writing something that I hope is fun and satirical and full of possibility.

Mark Russell
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Mark Russell's Popular Quotes

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

- Mark Russell

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbren…

- Mark Russell

The sacred exists only at the expense of the truth.

- Mark Russell

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

- Mark Russell

The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!

- Mark Russell

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

- Mark Russell

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

- Mark Russell

The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.

- Mark Russell

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

- Mark Russell
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