im-idiot-basically-dumb-guy-also-access-01-percent-information-truly-informed

I'm an idiot, basically. I don't think that I'm a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion about half the stuff I talk about. I'm like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.

Bill Burr
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Bill Burr's Popular Quotes

[I'm] more German than Irish.

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We need a plague. It's gotta happen. And don't worry, it's only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you're gonna be…

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Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not reall…

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Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

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Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

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Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added p…

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Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

- Bill Burr

Deny your emotions and act like you have answers

- Bill Burr

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

- Bill Burr
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