I still feel thirty, except when I try to run.

- Bob Newhart

Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.

- Bob Newhart

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by som…

- Bob Newhart

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.

- Bob Newhart

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less …

- Bob Newhart

A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian.

- Bob Newhart

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't …

- Bob Newhart

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

- Bob Newhart

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.

- Bob Newhart