I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
- Les Dawson
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stan… - Les Dawson
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stan…
Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him. - Les Dawson
Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.
The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week. - Les Dawson
The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps. - Les Dawson
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred? - Les Dawson
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. - Les Dawson
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate. - Les Dawson
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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