I don't like when people say, 'I'll pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Praying for you.' You're going to pray for me? So you're going to sit at…

- Hannibal Buress

I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

- Hannibal Buress

I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.

- Hannibal Buress

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.

- Hannibal Buress

I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.

- Hannibal Buress

We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.

- Hannibal Buress

There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have…

- Hannibal Buress

When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

- Hannibal Buress

Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, 'Hannibal, why don't you put the napkin in your lap?' Because I believe …

- Hannibal Buress