I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny…

- Jeff Garlin

By the way, to perform in front of Don Rickles, it 's not nerve-wrecking. It 's enjoyable, i am enjoying Jeff Garlin. I hope I perform in front of Do…

- Jeff Garlin

Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.

- Jeff Garlin

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.

- Jeff Garlin

The reality is [in] any emotional situation, a compulsive eater eats or an alcoholic drinks. What people misunderstand is that when you're a compulsi…

- Jeff Garlin

I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip.

- Jeff Garlin

The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn't think they're an idiot.

- Jeff Garlin

I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit.

- Jeff Garlin

If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac.

- Jeff Garlin