I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.

- Arthur Smith

I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.

- Arthur Smith

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

- Arthur Smith

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

- Arthur Smith

The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.

- Arthur Smith

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

- Arthur Smith

Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'

- Arthur Smith

I like doing things I haven't learnt about yet. I've always been interested in art, and I love doing art.

- Arthur Smith

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

- Arthur Smith