Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.

- Patton Oswalt

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

- Patton Oswalt

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

- Patton Oswalt

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

- Patton Oswalt

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think…

- Patton Oswalt

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide …

- Patton Oswalt

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

- Patton Oswalt

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

- Patton Oswalt

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

- Patton Oswalt