Stop worrying, nobody gets out of this world alive.

- Clive James

Twin miracles of mascara, her eyes looked like the corpses of two small crows that had crashed into a chalk cliff.

- Clive James

All I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light.

- Clive James

Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.

- Clive James

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

- Clive James

An education without a Bible education is no education.

- Clive James

Generally it is our failures that civilize us. Triumph confirms us in our habits.

- Clive James

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.

- Clive James

Writing is a performance art for me. They're very closely aligned, writing and performing. But I'm a writer, not a performer.

- Clive James