What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I'm just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy.

- Richard Belzer

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

- Richard Belzer

Anybody who thinks there`s not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembour…

- Richard Belzer

There`s a division in most major police departments called, `Special Victims Unit,` which is what sex crimes are euphemistically called. They`re cons…

- Richard Belzer

It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, the…

- Richard Belzer

If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total …

- Richard Belzer

Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad.

- Richard Belzer

The truth will set you free...unless you want to know the truth about who killed JFK.

- Richard Belzer