I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

- George Gobel

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

- George Gobel

My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.

- George Gobel

If you build a better mousetrap, you will catch better mice.

- George Gobel

When I go to a party, nobody says hello. But when I leave, everybody says goodbye.

- George Gobel

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

- George Gobel

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today -- for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.

- George Gobel

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

- George Gobel

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one

- George Gobel