Give a man food, and he can eat for a day. Give a man a job, and he can only eat for 30 minutes on break.

- Lev L. Spiro

It's true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one who knows how to find truffles.

- Lev L. Spiro

In days gone by, a man's word was his bond. Today, fortunately, we have glue.

- Lev L. Spiro

My coach once told me "there's no "I" in "team." I responded there's also no "I" in "hackneyed." Then I had to run 12 laps.

- Lev L. Spiro

I don't think that movies are too violent. But I do think that popcorn is too expensive, and this can often lead to violence.

- Lev L. Spiro

Despite rumors to the contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing to waste.

- Lev L. Spiro

I've spent years trying to "get in touch with my inner child," but now my new therapist tells me it's mostly been inappropriate touching.

- Lev L. Spiro

Whoever said "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", has never driven a car there.

- Lev L. Spiro

We having nothing to fear but fear itself. That, and maybe getting mugged by someone wearing a "No Fear" t-shirt.

- Lev L. Spiro