Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

- Alan Coren

The word "souvenir" has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless; but even to…

- Alan Coren

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

- Alan Coren

In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and th…

- Alan Coren

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when…

- Alan Coren

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

- Alan Coren

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

- Alan Coren

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

- Alan Coren

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

- Alan Coren