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John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.

Bill Maher
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Bill Maher's Popular Quotes

Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he was interview in Rolling Stone and…

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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.

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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.

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The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight.

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So when I say we had been the cowards, yes, that's what I meant, we as a society. And that's everybody, including myself. I had been screaming about …

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Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you

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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'.

- Bill Maher
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