I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't it your job as a writer to tell me how that made this happen? …

- Brian Regan

You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you wa…

- Brian Regan

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

- Brian Regan

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised…

- Brian Regan

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked th…

- Brian Regan

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

- Brian Regan

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you w…

- Brian Regan

Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you.

- Brian Regan

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

- Brian Regan