When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips
So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. - Emo Philips
So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose. - Emo Philips
I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. - Emo Philips
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead … - Emo Philips
I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead …
Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair. - Emo Philips
Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay g… - Emo Philips
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay g…
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them. - Emo Philips
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to fo… - Emo Philips
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to fo…
Login to join the discussion
Login to join the discussion