My mom ate every piece of butter in the Midwest, she lived till she was 90. And my dad, he smoked, he drank - we finally just had to kill him.

- Louie Anderson

I live in California, the worst place in the world for fat people. There are three of us. They have us on eight-hour shifts, so it works out.

- Louie Anderson

I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn…

- Louie Anderson

If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.

- Louie Anderson

It's so much easier to be cynical.

- Louie Anderson

At Thanksgiving, my mom always makes too much food, especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes. She's got to push it during the me…

- Louie Anderson

You have to not worry or doubt or punish yourself. All the worry, doubt and punishment will not add one second to your life, you know?

- Louie Anderson

I think Splash made people realize that I was still alive, and I think I inspired a lot of people. I have people coming up to me all the time in the …

- Louie Anderson

I'm a kid from Minnesota. I like seeing movie stars! So I'm there at The ivy, I've got my shrimp, Eddie Murphy comes in with his gang. I said to the …

- Louie Anderson