My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power wash his ass, f-ck my mail up, I don't care.
Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee. - J. B. Smoove
Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.
- J. B. Smoove
Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living. - J. B. Smoove
Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living.
I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start p… - J. B. Smoove
I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start p…
I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there a… - J. B. Smoove
I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there a…
I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new pa… - J. B. Smoove
I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new pa…
Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man. - J. B. Smoove
Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.
Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in fron… - J. B. Smoove
Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in fron…
Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware? - J. B. Smoove
Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to li… - J. B. Smoove
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to li…
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