My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power wash his ass, f-ck my mail up, I don't care.
I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there a… - J. B. Smoove
I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there a…
- J. B. Smoove
Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee. - J. B. Smoove
Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.
I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start p… - J. B. Smoove
I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start p…
Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living. - J. B. Smoove
Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living.
Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware? - J. B. Smoove
Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?
Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man. - J. B. Smoove
Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to li… - J. B. Smoove
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to li…
Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in fron… - J. B. Smoove
Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in fron…
I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new pa… - J. B. Smoove
I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new pa…
Login to join the discussion
Login to join the discussion