Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can't win. If you live, you don't get the money. If you die, you don't get to enjoy the money.

- Oliver Gaspirtz

A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.

- Oliver Gaspirtz

Some guys like to undermine a girl's self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn't hurt a horse, but enough b…

- Oliver Gaspirtz

Just because everyone CAN publish a book these days, doesn't mean everyone SHOULD. The world doesn't need 1000 knock-offs of 50 Shades of Grey. I'm n…

- Oliver Gaspirtz

Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible p…

- Oliver Gaspirtz

Life is like the ocean. You can either be the ball floating on the waves, or make your own waves.

- Oliver Gaspirtz

Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.

- Oliver Gaspirtz

You only live once, so enjoy the ride.

- Oliver Gaspirtz

Imagine a wall that's green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. W…

- Oliver Gaspirtz