Running is never fun. Running is something that you do when there's a man chasing you with a knife.

- Ardal O'Hanlon

If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, it's a victory.

- Ardal O'Hanlon

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.

- Ardal O'Hanlon

Marriage is when two people are joined together to become one desperately boring person.

- Ardal O'Hanlon

Football is the best way to get to know a people and a city.

- Ardal O'Hanlon