I always knew what I was doing.

- Jackie Gleason

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

- Jackie Gleason

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

- Jackie Gleason

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

- Jackie Gleason

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

- Jackie Gleason

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

- Jackie Gleason

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

- Jackie Gleason

Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we pa…

- Jackie Gleason

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

- Jackie Gleason