How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

- Rita Rudner

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

- Rita Rudner

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and …

- Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

- Rita Rudner

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

- Rita Rudner

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

- Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

- Rita Rudner

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

- Rita Rudner