You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. - Jackie Mason
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
- Jackie Mason
Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it? - Jackie Mason
Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?
They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't… - Jackie Mason
They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't…
Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they… - Jackie Mason
Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they…
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different… - Jackie Mason
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different…
A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people. - Jackie Mason
A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.
Predictions are preposterous. - Jackie Mason
Predictions are preposterous.
People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as ne… - Jackie Mason
People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as ne…
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them ever… - Jackie Mason
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them ever…
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