Some people want to advertise their weirdness, and spread it out, that's not me.

- Al Yankovic

My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child.

- Al Yankovic

That's a big part of my life - doing things that I'm not prepared to do. Doing things that I don't know how to do, and keep doing them until I get go…

- Al Yankovic

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

- Al Yankovic

Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from my belly button lint.

- Al Yankovic

My wife went off with Elvis.

- Al Yankovic

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.

- Al Yankovic

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

- Al Yankovic

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

- Al Yankovic