I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.
I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. - Zach Galifianakis
I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
- Zach Galifianakis
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. - Zach Galifianakis
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
My forte is awkwardness. - Zach Galifianakis
My forte is awkwardness.
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food - Zach Galifianakis
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock. - Zach Galifianakis
I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. - Zach Galifianakis
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? - Zach Galifianakis
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. - Zach Galifianakis
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles. - Zach Galifianakis
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
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