When men die, they die in fear", he said. "They take everything they need from you, and as a doctor it is your job to give it, to comfort them, to hold their hand. But children die how they have been living - in hope. They don't know what's happening, so they expect nothing, they don't ask you to hold their hand - but you end up needing them to hold yours. With children, you're on your own. Do you understand?
Interpretation
The quote reflects on the contrasting experiences of adults and children in facing death.
Tea Obreht's quote highlights the stark difference between how men and children confront the reality of death. While adults face death burdened by fear and a sense of loss, children approach it with innocence and hope, often surprising caregivers with their resilience. The quote underlines the emotional toll on caregivers, who find themselves seeking comfort from the very children they are trying to support, emphasizing the profound and unexpected lessons that arise in moments of vulnerability.
In practice
This quote can be used in a eulogy to emphasize the innocence of children in the face of loss.
Suddenness," he says. " You do not prepare, you do not explain, you do not apologize. Suddenly, you go. And with you, you take all contemplation, all consideration of your own departure. All the suffering that would have come from knowing comes after you are gone, and you are not a part of it.
The only realities in life are that you are born, and that you die. We always think we are going to live forever. The dying aspect we will never accept. The one thing about having this kind of warning is how you appreciate every single day of life.
Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.
One of the pitfalls about writing about illness is that it is very easy to imagine people with cancer as either these wise-beyond-their-years creatures or these sad-eyed tragic people. And the truth is, people living with cancer are very much like people who are not living with cancer. They're every bit as funny and complex and diverse as anyone else.
Sometimes I go, “What am I doing with my life?” But then I get letters from young women, or people come up to me, and they say, “You’ve made such a difference to my confidence.” And that is a good thing. I should read more fan mail though. I’m crap at responding.
Everyone dies. Everyone leaves. What matters is the things you build together before they go. What matters is the part of them that continues in you when they're gone.
In order to live the life we desire, and set the intention for greater happiness and more meaningful connections with others, we have to release the hold that our past has on us
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