whenever I encountered a slide show titled 'Eight Diet Foods That Pack on the Pounds' or 'Celebrity Fashion Fails,' I'd have to stop and investigate …

- Merrill Markoe

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

- Merrill Markoe

When anyone lacks self-awareness and doesn't recognize their transparencies, it's always funny.

- Merrill Markoe

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

- Merrill Markoe

I always hated those classic kid movies like Old Yeller or The Yearling where the beloved pet dies. What would be so wrong with having those damn kid…

- Merrill Markoe

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

- Merrill Markoe

I have learned that the stuff that causes me anxiety, the stuff I instinctively veer away from, is usually a road map to where my own creative growth…

- Merrill Markoe

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

- Merrill Markoe

I’ve made my life’s work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it’s harder now than ever before because there’s so many socially acceptable ways t…

- Merrill Markoe