Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. - Fred Allen
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now. - Fred Allen
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. - Fred Allen
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. - Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back. - Fred Allen
My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. - Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. - Fred Allen
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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