It's my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people.
It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Because I have p… - Robert Schimmel
It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Because I have p…
- Robert Schimmel
So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look l… - Robert Schimmel
So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look l…
My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of money - forget about it.… - Robert Schimmel
My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of money - forget about it.…
A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Ye… - Robert Schimmel
A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Ye…
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was tr… - Robert Schimmel
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was tr…
How do blind people know when they're done wiping their ass? - Robert Schimmel
How do blind people know when they're done wiping their ass?
You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television. - Robert Schimmel
You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.
I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy to find if tha… - Robert Schimmel
I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy to find if tha…
I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do it. - Robert Schimmel
I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do it.
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