Health food makes me sick.

- Calvin Trillin

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

- Calvin Trillin

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

- Calvin Trillin

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

- Calvin Trillin

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

- Calvin Trillin

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

- Calvin Trillin

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

- Calvin Trillin

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it …

- Calvin Trillin

I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas.

- Calvin Trillin