You see, deep down beneath my superficial and shallow exterior, I'm really very superficial and shallow.

- Ian Kelsey

My sense of romance stretches a little further than a barrage balloon.

- Ian Kelsey

Besides, old ladies are always right. That's how they get to be so old. It's one of those things.

- Ian Kelsey

You said love, I say chemical imbalance.

- Ian Kelsey

Oh, what a better way to express your love than a plasticbag full of air.

- Ian Kelsey

Well, maybe I'm not so emotionally dysfunctional after all.

- Ian Kelsey