When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.

- Henny Youngman

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

- Henny Youngman

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

- Henny Youngman

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

- Henny Youngman

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

- Henny Youngman

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone i…

- Henny Youngman

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

- Henny Youngman

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

- Henny Youngman

Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

- Henny Youngman