My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.
I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon. - Hannibal Buress
I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.
- Hannibal Buress
I don't like when people say, 'I'll pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Praying for you.' You're going to pray for me? So you're going to sit at… - Hannibal Buress
I don't like when people say, 'I'll pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Praying for you.' You're going to pray for me? So you're going to sit at…
I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real. - Hannibal Buress
I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.
I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy. - Hannibal Buress
I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.
I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself. - Hannibal Buress
I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.
When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works. - Hannibal Buress
When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.
There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have… - Hannibal Buress
There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have…
We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it. - Hannibal Buress
We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.
Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, 'Hannibal, why don't you put the napkin in your lap?' Because I believe … - Hannibal Buress
Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, 'Hannibal, why don't you put the napkin in your lap?' Because I believe …
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