I'm not saying these flying discs don't really exist, but nobody living in Kansas City has seen them and that's a dry state.

- Jack Paar

Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there.

- Jack Paar

I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

- Jack Paar

Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration of what God could do if…

- Jack Paar

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

- Jack Paar

Doing the show was like painting the George Washington Bridge. As soon as you finished one end, you started right in on the other.

- Jack Paar

It's almost impossible to dislike me, because I do nothing.

- Jack Paar

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

- Jack Paar

As I look back on my life, I see it as one long obstacle course with myself as the main obstacle.

- Jack Paar