Does it say 'Colonel' anywhere on my uniform?

- Jack O'Neill

I'd like to apologize in advance for anything I may say or do that could be construed as offensive as I slowly go nuts!

- Jack O'Neill

Three most important things in life, surf, surf and surf.

- Jack O'Neill

I remembered something. There's a man. He is bald and wears a short sleeve shirt. And somehow, he is important to me... I think his name is... Homer.

- Jack O'Neill

Never in the history of boredom has anyone been more bored than I am right now.

- Jack O'Neill

I wish I could say I didn't owe anything to anyone. But the truth is, I wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for the courage and support of each an…

- Jack O'Neill

To be honest, I wouldn't mind one last jaunt through the old orifice.

- Jack O'Neill

Hypnosis. You know, I'm not a big fan of that bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog stuff.

- Jack O'Neill

The Pentagon's lost entire countries.

- Jack O'Neill