Shirley MacLaine: what an asshole.

- Julie Klausner

Fear can be the result of admiration, or it can be a symptom of contempt.

- Julie Klausner

Do you think trees are the new birds? Don’t answer that right away.

- Julie Klausner

I'm not big on regret - until time travel actually exists, it seems like a waste of making yourself feel bad

- Julie Klausner

I’m really afraid of spiders and my own feelings.

- Julie Klausner

Having one of your like dumb sort of stream of consciousness tweets used against you on a right wing website is the ultimate compliment.

- Julie Klausner

Only sad sacks and conformists need things like no kiss on New Year's Eve to remind them to feel lonely. They're as bad as the people who need St. Pa…

- Julie Klausner

When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way. That's my conten…

- Julie Klausner

I consider Greeks the Jews of the sea.

- Julie Klausner