My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

- Ronnie Shakes

Sometimes the unexpected does happen. Once, this exquisite woman fell for me. After we made love, she gave me a check for a hundred dollars. I said, …

- Ronnie Shakes

I like life. It's something to do.

- Ronnie Shakes

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

- Ronnie Shakes

One question on hospital admittance forms really gets me. "Sex: Male or Female?" Do I want to be in a hospital where they can't tell the difference?

- Ronnie Shakes

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

- Ronnie Shakes

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this …

- Ronnie Shakes

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

- Ronnie Shakes

As a teenager I just wanted to fit in, just to be one of the boys. It was tough. I went to an all black school. I went so far as to have them print m…

- Ronnie Shakes