My father is schizophrenia, but he's good people.

- Stewart Francis

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

- Stewart Francis

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

- Stewart Francis

I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.

- Stewart Francis

So what if I cant spell Armageddon, its not the end of the world.

- Stewart Francis

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

- Stewart Francis

Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.

- Stewart Francis

Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West

- Stewart Francis

You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.

- Stewart Francis