For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows…

- Ben Elton

Leaders should never, ever try to look cool - that's for dictators

- Ben Elton

We've all got to look at ourselves, start with yourself, that's all you can do. I believe that we can act responsibly as a group, it's just that ther…

- Ben Elton

The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.

- Ben Elton

I think it is very difficult to legislate for morality.

- Ben Elton

People who get through life dependent on other people's possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.

- Ben Elton

If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then …

- Ben Elton

You didn't wake up, your dreams just changed gear.

- Ben Elton

Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamp…

- Ben Elton