People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'
Interpretation
David Sedaris humorously conveys his aversion to stand-up comedy by equating it with something unpleasant like dental work.
In this quote, David Sedaris uses comedic hyperbole to express his reluctance to perform stand-up comedy, comparing the idea to the uncomfortable experience of needing dental implants. This illustrates his perception of stand-up as a daunting task that he finds both intimidating and off-putting, while humorously suggesting that he would prefer the discomfort of dental procedures over the vulnerability of performing comedy in front of an audience.
In practice
Using this quote at a comedy club to illustrate the fears comedians may have.
It's a common mistake for vacationing Americans to assume that everyone around them is French and therefore speaks no English whatsoever. [...] An experienced traveler could have told by looking at my shoes that I wasn't French. And even if I were French, it's not as if English is some mysterious tribal dialect spoken only by anthropologists and a small population of cannibals.
I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis.
States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends to hurt my feelings. I guess what bugs me is that it was put to a vote in the first place. If you don't want to marry a homosexual, then don't. But what gives you the right to weigh in on your neighbor's options? It's like voting whether or not redheads should be allowed to celebrate Christmas.
Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are 'We're number two!
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like.
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
Dieting makes me want to murder everyone around me.
Sometimes I - with comedy, it's like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don't. And when they don't, they don't. And that's it. There are no appeals. You show up, and you're like, 'Hi! I'm -' and you stumble, and they're like, 'It's over.'
Opinions are like demo tapes. I don't want to hear yours
I have a sense of humor; but over the years that sense has developed one blind spot. I can no longer laugh at ignorance or stupidity. Those are our chief enemies, and it is dangerous to make fun of them.
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.