I guess I can picture things once they're done - I just can't picture actually doing them.

- Mark Leyner

I have an enduring, very robust infatuation with dictators. I have an infatuation with Stalin, Mao, and Mussolini. In the Paris Review interview I di…

- Mark Leyner

People have no idea how much work it is for a man to produce an ejaculation. You have this seminal vesicle churning out this fluid, the prostate glan…

- Mark Leyner

I've always wanted to be a poet at the beginning. I would look at my grandparents' books and my parents' books. And in my family, a typical aspiratio…

- Mark Leyner

The interesting thing about something in the back of your mind is that it can travel pretty far back in your mind.

- Mark Leyner

When you are a child, you often stare too closely at the wrong thing. I remember the first time I was taken to Yankee Stadium. Someone had spilled so…

- Mark Leyner

Yo! You’re my dope dealer not my thesis adviser. If I wanted your opinion about my dissertation, I’d have asked for it, Motherfucker!

- Mark Leyner

It's in great joy that we grasp truth.

- Mark Leyner

When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive part of a person's sensibility. It'…

- Mark Leyner