A bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.

- Sean Lock

people say churches are half empty, they're not, they're too big

- Sean Lock

Cheryl Cole got malaria...well I guess that answers the question what do you give someone who has everything

- Sean Lock

when michael jackson died i wonder if his life flashed before him and if it did, i wonder if he thought 'who's that little black kid singing my songs…

- Sean Lock

Interesting fact: a shark will only attack you if you’re wet.

- Sean Lock

90% of toys are made in china, which technically makes the chinese elves

- Sean Lock