The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.

- Nick Thune

In my senior year of high school, I was working at a dealership washing cars. For some reason, I asked them to give me a shot as a salesman for a shi…

- Nick Thune

I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I …

- Nick Thune

You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower.

- Nick Thune

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

- Nick Thune

People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas …

- Nick Thune

I don't know if people really care about my opinion on things or how I come up with things, and maybe that's an insecurity and why we're comedians in…

- Nick Thune

People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.

- Nick Thune

I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.

- Nick Thune