But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way …

- Lundy Bancroft

The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among wom…

- Lundy Bancroft

Abuse counselors say of the abusive client: “When he looks at himself in the morning and sees his dirty face, he sets about washing the mirror.

- Lundy Bancroft

One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don't seem like abusers. They have many goo…

- Lundy Bancroft

Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws thing…

- Lundy Bancroft

An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as…

- Lundy Bancroft

Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty-he builds to the ne…

- Lundy Bancroft

It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman explains eloquently in her masterwork T…

- Lundy Bancroft

Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself.

- Lundy Bancroft