I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.

- Jo Brand

I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shoul…

- Jo Brand

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

- Jo Brand

When I was a nurse my favourite assignment was the anorexic ward. I sometimes ate as many as seventeen dinners

- Jo Brand

Men are fantastic - as a concept.

- Jo Brand

I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.

- Jo Brand

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

- Jo Brand

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

- Jo Brand

When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was sti…

- Jo Brand