You can't hate anybody till you hate yourself and you can't love anybody till you love yourself.

- Barry Crimmins

We have a presidential election coming up. And I think the big problem, of course, is that someone will win.

- Barry Crimmins

The two party system just means that the corporations cut two checks instead of one.

- Barry Crimmins

Marijuana is a very dangerous drug. Some people smoke it just once and go directly into politics.

- Barry Crimmins

A lot of us [comedians] are drawn to the stage or show business or whatever because we didn't feel so great about ourselves, and we didn't know how t…

- Barry Crimmins