If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo.

- Rob Delaney

The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk …

- Rob Delaney

I'm a comedian at the beginning and the end of the day. I'm not affiliated with any campaign, nor do I generally find politics interesting enough to …

- Rob Delaney

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

- Rob Delaney

A long-term relationship is about showing up and working hard and banking on each other. If one's down, the other might be up and can help the other …

- Rob Delaney

We can and should complain about certain horrors of the modern world, but when it comes to the treatment of mental illness, the advances made in the …

- Rob Delaney

Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes.

- Rob Delaney

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire.

- Rob Delaney

I no longer believe in freedom of speech.

- Rob Delaney