There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

- Red Skelton

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy s…

- Red Skelton

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

- Red Skelton

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

- Red Skelton

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

- Red Skelton

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

- Red Skelton

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.

- Red Skelton

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

- Red Skelton

I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

- Red Skelton