A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
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Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
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