Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so much attention that a husband …

- Richard Armour

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

- Richard Armour

If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

- Richard Armour

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got…

- Richard Armour

I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

- Richard Armour

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.

- Richard Armour

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

- Richard Armour

Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

- Richard Armour

Shake and shake the catsup bottle none will come and then a lot'll.

- Richard Armour